Embracing the Real Me

By Ayana Sears | VOX Staff

Art by Stanley Stewart | VOX Staff

I used to get teased a lot when I spoke properly or used big words to expand my vocabulary. My classmates at my mostly black school would say I’m “trying to be white.”

“No,” I would retort angrily, “I’m trying to sound intelligent.”
I don’t like it when people think all black people should act like the way we are portrayed on TV shows like “Flavor of Love” — all loud and noisy, like we can’t talk or act properly.

My parents taught me to speak properly. In my household, we always corrected each other if we made a mistake in our vocabulary or pronunciation.
But I grew tired of being teased, and I just wanted to fit in.

Trying to Fit In

In ninth grade, I tried using slang words and improper English to conform to the kids who teased me. I started talking while the teacher was talking, and I got my first N in conduct, which stands for Needs Improvement.

Some of the kids who used to tease me liked the “new me.” Others laughed, saying that I was trying too hard to act ghetto.

My real friends were disappointed—not about my language, but by my behavior. My parents, auntie and teachers also knew this wasn’t like me. They all knew I was capable of more because I was still an A student, and I never really disrespected the teachers by calling them out of their names or cursing in class.

Some of my teachers saw that I had an A and just left me alone. Others tried talking to me after school or after class. They said they were “noticing changes in my behavior,” and some promised to call my parents. But I didn’t listen.

Wake Up Call

It took nearly getting my first detention for talking in art class for me to realize my mistake. I almost cried because I thought that detentions went on your record. I asked my teacher to spare me. He didn’t give me detention, but I did get silent lunch for a whole week.

Sitting alone in silent lunch, I realized I didn’t have to change myself so other people would like me. Everybody is not going to like you in life.

Besides, you can’t get far in life using improper English. How can people take you seriously if you only use slang? You can’t get a job as a CEO or a doctor, lawyer, journalist or other professional that way.
I am just glad that I have close friends who like me just the way I am. They were very understanding when I went back to acting like myself again. I think my family thought I was just going through some phase.

The kids who thought I was trying too hard to be ghetto just forgot about me like I was yesterday’s news. I guess they found someone else to mock.

Ayana is a freshman at Columbia High who enjoys reading, shopping and running track. She hopes to become an image consultant.